_trauma
“The way we (as a society) “turn boys into men” is through injury: We sever them from their mothers, research tells us, far too early. We pull them away from their own expressiveness, from their feelings, from sensitivity to others. The very phrase “Be a man” means suck it up and keep going. Disconnection is not fallout from traditional masculinity. Disconnection is masculinity.” - Terrence Real (How can I get through to you)
“To truly protect and honor the emotional lives of boys we must challenge patriarchal culture. And until that culture changes, we must create the subcultures, the sanctuaries where boys can learn to be who they are uniquely, without being forced to conform to patriarchal masculine visions. To love boys rightly we must value their inner lives enough to construct worlds, both private and public, where their right to wholeness can be consistently celebrated and affirmed, where their need to love and be loved can be fulfilled.“ - bell hooks (the will to change: men, masculinity, and love)
The will to change by bell hooks is, at times, walking me back through the recesses of my mind to some of the most fearful moments of my life…
However, instead of the helplessness I felt as a boy, I’m able to metaphorically walk-through those moments & call things what they were
Moments that used to be fuel for vilification of my father & the deep-seeds of patriarchy inside myself, are now being repurposed
These moments, as painful as they were, have no power over me
So as I continue to read, sob, grieve, and process, I am making sure to take adequate time in each emotion that comes up (especially if it’s uncomfortable) 😮💨🥹🖖🏿🤎
Grace & Peace to you (the reader)🙏🏿
May you be enabled to continue through whatever stage of the journey you may find yourself
May you have the strength to pause and reflect honestly & the wisdom to know when to move forward and how to process 🙏🏿
Shalom